September 2010
August 2010
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Current thoughts
Has anyone ever been thinking “Wouldn’t it be crazy if I was murdered right now?” and then they were murdered? One time I thought “It would suck if I got a speeding ticket right now” and then I looked in my rear-view mirror and saw a cop pulling me over.
I’m going to attempt to change a fuse in my car on my lunch break. Hopefully my research on the internet...
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Facts about your farts →
The nerve endings in your rectal area help distinguish the difference between farts and poop, but sometimes these nerves can get confused when your poop is more fluid than usual and results in things such as mud butt and sharting.
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Time to solve a mystery.
Rhonda asked me if I heard someone ringing our doorbell at 6:30am. I didn’t. She said she looked out her window and saw someone in a plant uniform jumpsuit thing and he had a flashlight and was shining it in the windows upstairs (presumably to try and wake us up).
Then she thinks she heard a neighbor pull out of the driveway and leave. This has been boggling my mind all day. What could...
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“Bangs! Bangs! Nooooo!”
– Lacey and I accidentally walked past a huge fan tonight and were distraught at what happened to our bangs. It’s cool. We recovered. (via onemorefortheroad)
I was happy to have someone just as fearful of wind with me in that moment.
Guy: What do you do?
Kevin: Web design
Guy: Is that like with iPods?
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“The main reason I’ve been successful is because my dick smells fresh.”
– i am the fat manatee.
That better be on your resume.
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Public Apology:
erinnicole:
Lacey was in on the G BUS thing. For once I forgot the minute details of a conversation that happened 8+ years ago*.
*That wasn’t sarcastic. I’m seriously going to start taking memory supplements.
Apology accepted. Publicly.
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Tumblr Tuesday Recommendation
This is my 4th recommendation and the 4th time it goes out to a female. Today’s recommendation goes to Abby! Abby is 3 years my senior, yet I can’t help but think “adorable” when I think of her. Seriously, she’ll probably get suspicious glares from bouncers until she’s well into her 40s. Anyway, I discovered Abby when Mills started dating her and got to meet her...
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Two warnings I never heed:
Do not stick q-tip into ear.
Do not consume raw cookie dough.
If I followed those warnings then I’d have the following questions:
How do I clean my ears regularly?
What do I eat for lunch then?
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Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-aspartame!
Over a month ago, Kevin and I watched a documentary on how aspartame rapes your mothers and kills your babies or something, and I kind of just yawned through it like a middle schooler waiting for the school bell, but it’s just now starting to click for me.
I’m pretty sure that aspartame has played a large part in my migraines - at least recently. In college, I never really drank diet...
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I'm in the office today
My favorite girl at work stopped me in the hallway while I was talking with my boss and said “Lacey!! Guess what?”
Me: “What?”
Her: “I’m getting these done September 2nd” *grabs her chest*
Me: “Ahh September 2nd, huh?”
(As if the date was the most important part of that conversation.)
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“Yeah, I know, what’s wrong with all of us? Why can’t we find awesome jobs that...”
– Brian Van
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To Do List
Write a (rap) song about blowing my nose
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Tumblr Tuesday Recommendation
Today it goes to Lacey! I’m not speaking in 3rd person, I’m talking about the Lacey who is engaged to the other gal that was in my tumblr crushes this week - Kelly (happy birthday to you!) Everyday, they share their relationship with tumblr and make us laugh and make us “awww”. Also they give their dogs human characteristics which I am very familiar with. If you ever hear...
“Everything that I enjoy doing, I seem to be able to do with two hands, a fork,...”
– Sarah Silverman, The Bedwetter
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Friend gets pregnant - order of operations
3:00am - Text message from Michelle: “So… Brandy must be pregnant”
8:30am - Text message from Lauren: “Brandy’s facebook status??”
12:39pm - Text message from Michelle: “Brandy’s pregnant! I just talked to her at mass.”
1:06pm - Brandy tags me in a note on facebook announcing she is pregnant.
2:02pm - Text message from Alena: “Brandy...
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Mind blown.
Lacey: i want a secret room but don't know how to make those
Lacey: not like a room filled with secrets
Lacey: but like a room that you have to move a book to get into
Lacey: or tilt a candle
Jason: right
Jason: well you've already taken the first step toward having a secret room: pretending that you don't have a secret room
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meters-per-year asked: how long do rabbit eggs take to hatch I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN WAITING FOREVER
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Final Destination: IRL
Lacey: did you see this o'keefe/ted stevens shit?
Scott: i did
Lacey: ted stevens' wife died in a plane crash in alaska in 1978
Lacey: now ted stevens dies in a plane crash in alaska
Scott: people travel by plane a lot in alaska
Scott: its pretty common i believe
Scott: and its those tiny (dangerous) planes
Lacey: yeah...but haven't you heard those statistics about plane crashes?
Lacey: like you're more likely to die by being sat on by an elephant than be in a plane crash or something?
Scott: haha
Scott: yea, i means its still an amazing coincidence
Scott: i think ted was in that plane in 1978 and survived it
Lacey: he WAS in that plane
Lacey: he's been in 2 plane crashes
Lacey: it's like final destination
Scott: yea its nuts
Scott: o'keefe survived though apparently
Lacey: yeah and his son
Lacey: so he'll probably die in a plane crash in like 30 years
Lacey: NEVER ENDING CYCLE!
Pretzel M&Ms: My anti-drug
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Tumblr Tuesday Recommendation
Hotelechozulu (Heather) is my #1 crush this morning! She has been spitting out some sweet animated gifs lately. Facts about Heather:
She was one of the first tumblrs I met (at that first Austin Tumblr meetup at the Tavern)
She always has fun hair
Her tweets make me laff and lol
She likes thunderstorms (I recommended her under the nature directory for this reason)
She is dating Adam and his...